Can we maybe kill a few of these people please?

Now, before I even get started, let me just say that I know what you're going to say. I know that the very act of me writing this blog contradicts what I am about to bitch about. All I can say is: Tough. It's a matter of degrees people.

Now, on to the bitching.

The next person who tells me I should follow them on twitter might just get stabbed in the eye. I'm gonna let all you twitter people know right now something that you should have learned a long time ago. Nobody cares about your life. That's right! Unless you are a film maker or an actor and are tweeting about the day's production on your current project, nobody cares. The only people who actually care about an average person's life are people that are similarly desperate for attention so they follow you so that you will follow them thereby giving the illusion of friendship. "Did you hear? (insert name of the person you know who tweets and annoys you about it) went to the mall today and got a new bag!" No. I did not hear that because I don't give a shit. Just because you know that they went to the mall at 11:47 A.M. doesn't mean you have a connection with them. If the the tweeter or twitterer or whatever the hell they call themselves (I'm just gonna call them "Twits" because it fits) had called you when they got home and said "Hey! I just got a new bag at the mall! You want to come over and check it out?" then that means you have a connection. Don't make the mistake of confusing someone else's narcissism with their desire to make sure that you know what they're doing. They don't care about you. They just want to make sure that you follow them so that they can pretend that there are people that care about them. It is merely an exercise in vanity.

But so is blogging.