New Year

Everybody makes resolutions. Usually it's something grand like "I'm gonna start going to the gym" or "I'm gonna quit smoking" or "I'm gonna stop killing hookers and dumping their bodies in such and such lake". I've decided to keep it simple this year. Nothing too grand but large enough that I will feel a sense of accomplishment once completed.

Now, since I stopped smoking before the holiday season was upon us, I don't think that qualifies as a resolution, but I did stop smoking and that's something. I say "stopped" smoking because "quit" implies permanence, and I've stopped smoking before and we've all seen how that worked out. I'll let you know whether or not I've quit when I die.

When we moved here, I started working at Best Buy again as something to do until I found something better. However, once I had the job, I immediately fell into complacency about work and then stopped looking for better work. So by the end of this year, I resolve to be making at least 50% more than I am currently making. Gotta pay them bills after all!

Finally, I decided I would stop taking my health for granted. I pay a not-so-tiny amount out of every paycheck for health, dental, and vision insurance and I never go to any of the appropriate doctors to take advantage of said services. That ends this year. I got sick with some strain of flu (I'm calling it Death Flu) at the beginning of the year, so I went to the doctor, got medicine, and recovered much more quickly than I would have without the miracle of modern pharmaceuticals. I will be making an appointment with the dentist in April (after I have changed my dental plan to the more comprehensive coverage cause I'm gonna need a lot of work) and will go to the dentist for the first time in roughly 18 years. As for the vision, well, I went to the eye doctor already and I believe that deserves its own paragraph because I would like to go into detail about the experience.

So....

Joanna told me a few weeks ago that she wanted to go to the eye doctor and get her eyes done so she could get a new prescription for her contacts while we were still on this year and then get a new pair of glasses against next year's premium or whatever. This was right about the same time that I started noticing that I was having difficulty reading the smaller numbers on the higher TV tags along the wall there at work, so I printed off all the pertinent information, handed it to Joanna and asked her that if when she made her appointment, could she make one for me as well. So I went to the eye doctor for the first time since I was a kid. I got there and filled out all those wonderful "first time patient" forms, and then proceeded to get my preliminary exams done by Adam. Adam looked like he was about 16 years old, and it was actually a little off-putting to have my exam done by one so young, but he knew how to use all the fancy machines and I don't, so he won that round. Then it was on to the actual doctor. Doctor Lady Person told me that though I do have really good vision, it looks like my eyes are having some problems with seeing things that are farther away and she detected an astigmatism that could account for my dizzy spells, and the fact that sometimes things look just a little off. The glasses she prescribed are more for allowing my eyes to keep from working so hard (thus hopefully eliminating random headaches) and improving my over-all quality of vision back to what it should be. So far, so good, but now it's time to pick out my very first pair of glasses! Now, their selection was not exactly bountiful, but whatever, I didn't figure on making a fashion statement with these, I just want to have something that helps me. I go over to the cases where they keep the men's frames, the office worker person shows me how to open the drawer, and walks away to let me pick out my new glasses. I may not be the best person in the world to give advice on how one should give the best customer service, but I do know if someone has absolutely no idea what they're doing, you might want to hang out and give them a hand. I picked out the frames that I liked, handed them to Little Miss Not Helpful at All and told her, "I guess I'll take these". She told me that she would send them off to the lab and they should be ready in 7 to 10 business days but with the holiday, it might be closer to 10. Fair enough, Lens Crafters could have them to me in an hour, and they would probably have helped me pick them out, but whatever. So being the kind of person that I am, I called them on the seventh business day as a follow-up. The unhelpful office shrew answers the phone and when I ask her about my glasses she says (in a manner that made me almost feel bad for bothering her) "It will take 10 to 14 business days for them to be finished and we will call you when they get here". Wow. Really? You're gonna act like I'm hassling you about something that there is really no excuse for taking so long? You madam, are a bitch. So I give it a few more days and give them a call on business day number 11. Adam answers the phone. I asked him if my glasses have come in and he says he just walked in the door but he will look for them if I can hold. I can hold, so I say that's fine and he's back on the phone in 30 seconds and says that they did indeed come in first thing that morning. This call took place at 2:30 in the afternoon. Guess who had been working that morning when they came in and did not call? Anyway, I put my glasses on and Shrew tells me not to where them while driving for the first few days as they will take some getting used to, but to otherwise enjoy! "I DON"T KNOW HOW THESE FUCKING THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO FIT WOMAN!!!!" All the help you're going to offer me is "Don't where them while driving"? At this point I was so furious about the complete and total lack of customer service that I just took my glasses and left. Now that I've had them on a few days, I have a better idea of how I want them to fit but the thought of going back there and trying to get Shrew to adjust them is actually causing me anxiety. Ugh. But anyway, here's some pictures:

Here I am!



Now when I ponder things, I look way more intelligent.



Once I realized that the ear pieces of the glasses were just making the hair around my ears look even shaggier, I decided it was haircut time. Since I am broke, that meant it was time to bust out the clippers!

Today the univese decided it hates me.

Well, it actually all started back on Thursday...

I was on my way to work on that fateful day and on the way there I had planned on dropping the check for my renter's insurance off at my neighborhood State Farm agent's office. I pulled into the parking lot (the same one that they have been located in for the entire year and some change that we have lived here) only to find out that they were no longer there. I immediately texted Joanna to tell her, and I went to work. She called them later that day and they told her "Oh, we moved across the intersection to a different parking lot. Sorry we didn't notify you, but we're assholes." or something very similar to that. So with today being my first day off since then, I decided to make hunting for their new office to be my #1 errand that I would run in a list of errands. By the time I finally tracked down their new office, it was exactly 11:58 a.m. according to my cell phone (and we know if it's on a cell phone, it must be true) I walked up to the door, and it's locked. "WTF?!?!" I exclaim perhaps a bit too loudly. (I did stop smoking last week so everything is aggravating me a bit more than usual) I look on the door to the office, and the posted hours say that they are closed from noon to one for lunch. "Well that's convenient. I guess I'll have to come back later". So it time to be on my way to go shopping for Joanna's christmas gift.

Now, about a year ago, my wife said to me "Ya know what I really want for christmas next year? I want a club sandwich on rye bread. You should start saving for that now." I was thrilled to hear that because I work at a store that sells club sandwiches, and I get a discount. So after the debacle with the insurance agent, I figured I would just go to the store and pick one up. Well first off, I turned down the wrong street because I wasn't paying attention, and that took me very much out of my way so naturally, I got stuck at every single red light between the agent's office and my store. Grrr. I finally get to my store and I go to the deli department. I grab the guy that works there, and tell him I need to order a club sandwich. So we start the process of ordering one. "Well, it doesn't look like we can order the club sandwich that you were thinking of, but here in the store we have a roast beef club!" Now, as we all know, a roast beef club isn't really a club sandwich, so his counter-offer made me irritated in more ways than one. I then proceeded to look at some turkey sandwiches, ham sandwiches, and variations on other types of sandwiches. What I finally decided on (after going behind the counter and putting the meal together for myself) was a Ham-and-Turkey, sandwich with cheese and bacon, but only two slices of pumpernickel bread instead of three pieces of plain rye. She will be happy with that, or she can go hungry.

Once that was done, I then went to the bank and depsited a christmas check (thanks dad!) bringing me one step closer to a new TV in about 7 years. Next up: Laundry!

The laundry facilities at our apartment complex have been down for about a month now, forcing us to go to a public laundromat. I don't really mind since I usually have week days off and it's not very busy then. That was not the case today however. It was packed. And I had 6 loads of laundry. I managed to get it all going, and even had some time to enjoy my new Star Wars novel on my Palm Pilot, but when I went to fold my laundry, that's when people almost started losing their lives. You see, the only folding table that was available, was the one that is right next to the little play-place they have set up for the kids so they don't bug their parents while their parents are doing laundry. One child, was not interested in not bugging his parents (or anyone else for that matter) so he just kept shouting "Mommy Look! MOMMY!" at (strangely enough) his mother, who was all the way across the laundromat trying to pretend like she didn't hear him. She heard him. Everyone else heard him. I hate her. The other kid, was just whining about how the kid that was shouting wouldn't play with him. I hate whining. I usually think that there's nothing worse in the world than violence against children, but today taught me that I might need to rethink my stance.

Upon leaving the Laundromat, I was so relieved to think that I was done, but as soon as I got back into my truck, something in my coat pocket stabbed me in the neck. My renter's insurance statement. Shit. I suddenly realized that I had to go all the way (about 30 blocks) to the agent's office to pay the insurance that, if they could be bothered to actually stay open through the entire business day, I would have been able to pay earlier today and would be on my merry (holiday reference) way home. But nooooooo...... I then had to stop at every red light (again) on my way there before I could finally go home.

I have never been so happy to have to unload the dishwasher and clean the coffee pot as I was when I got home today.

Happy fucking holidays.

p.s. Club Sandwich is a euphemism.

Extendend Service

Amidst all the craziness and money worries that we've been having, it's nice to get some good news now and then.

I worked very hard about a month ago to get Joanna set up with a desk and computer that she could move (easily) throughout the apartment and do whatever she needs to do on. Sorry. "On which she can do whatever it is she needs to do." About a week after I got it all set up, the monitor died. So today I took it into my store, and slapped it up on the counter (the monitor, that is) and said "shit's broke". They punched in some info, looked at some screens, and replaced it for me right there on the spot. This is why I ALWAYS buy those extended service agreements. I just saved myself $200 b y paying an extra $25 when I bought the monitor.

Now, this is not the only time I have ever had to use the service plan. Joanna's first laptop we bought from Best Buy, went off to service 3 times, and then when it went off the 4th time, they replaced it. So I bought a new service plan on the laptop with which they replaced it. THAT laptop went off to service 3 times, and again, they ended up replacing it with a shiny new one. That's the one we currently have. It needs service, but guess what?!?! I bought one for that one too!

Then there's the TV. When we bought it, that was the first thing I ever bought a service plan on, and boy-howdy am I glad I did. Another product, another 3 times off to service, another new product.

Now, I know what some of you (Doug) are thinking: "These companies should just make reliable products and we shouldn't have to buy service contracts." Well, the realities of supply-and-demand in today's world make that a virtual impossibility. Back in the days when the world wasn't DEMANDING lower prices and 4 times the amount of product to be available to them at all times, these manufacturers could afford to take their sweet time making things as well as extensively quality testing their product. They can't do that anymore. People like their shiny laptops and they loooove to go into a store like mine and have an almost endless array of ones to choose from. Bye-Bye quality control when you have to produce on such a scale as to appease the rabid masses. "WHAT?!?! this 50" TV costs more than $1000? That's insane!" Lady, less than 5 years ago a TV like that would have cost you 10 times that. How do ya reckon that they trimmed enough fat to be able to sell it for what it goes for today? Sigh.

WTF?!?!

So.....

A follow-up to my whole "money sucks" post.

We have had some pretty shitty luck here lately. Money is pretty tight right now to begin with, but now it's starting to get ridiculous. We had one of our cats get pretty sick, and needed surgery. It was $2800. I know that seems high, but he's our cat and we got him repaired. That's more than I spent for my truck, but whatever. I chatted with some very nice people with a debt-management firm to try to get our finances a bit more under control, and it looks like that's our only way out. We were about to get all the paperwork taken care of for that when someone wiped out my wife's checking account via an ATM somewhere, so now that's on hold. The universe really owes me right now so I'm thinking it's high time I started playing the lottery.

ugh.

Money sucks. That is all.

Camping Trip to Gunnison, CO

So we went camping this past weekend, In Gunnison, CO and we had a grand old time. And rather than post all the details about it and then come up with funny captions for all the pictures, I'm just going to tell all the details through the funny captions of all the pictures.

We stopped off in town at the Walmart to make sure we had plenty of supplies. True to Walmart fashion, it was crowded and slow, but at least the have the decency at this one to warn you as you're coming into the front door.


We took quite a few pictures of the scenery once we found a campsite, and here's the first.


The great and powerful Edge Nemesis looking all great and powerful on a dirt road.


Trees!


More trees!


Seriously Joanna? I think that's enough pictures of the fucking trees.


Here I am setting up the tent. This trip, we actually did not get into a fight whilst setting it up!


Check it out! Sweet creek right by our tent.


We bathed in that creek twice while we were there. The water was about 40 degrees. Parts of me did not like that.


The view from our tent door.


Here I am setting up the first night's fire. I don't know if she just stays out of the way while I'm doing it just to let me have some sense of manliness, she doesn't know how to make fire, or she's just lazy, but Joanna always leaves the fire to me.


If you look very closely, you can see the fire I made.


Looking back at the tent after I made fire, I suddenly realized that I was a camper. I'm so eXtreme!


We saw a really big doe (a deer. A female deer.) our first full day there. I know who is thinking what, and no, I didn't shoot it.


Our usual pose.


I like the other picture better because our smiles seem so much more genuine. But Joanna said that the last one was unflattering to her so she made me pose for another one. I posted both of them up on facebook and she yelled at me. So I posted both again here. Heh.


Goddammit Woman! What did I tell you about the tree pictures!


Day 2 Fire. After assembling quite a bit of cardboard from supplies we had acquired, I decided to make an elaborate construction to make the fire easier to light.


It basically was comprised from two pieces of cardboard coiled in opposite directions, and then filled with kindling.


I then took a larger piece of cardboard and laid it over the top of my kindling stuffed base and set a couple of logs (which we had sawed ourselves and then carried back to camp through the creek) on top of that. Once I lit the base, we had a roaring source of heat to cook our food on in less than 2 minutes. Fire is my bitch.


Joanna was unimpressed by my pyro-architecture. She will probably also be pissed that I posted this picture for whatever reason. Women are strange.


If you don't like hot dogs, never go camping with me. Also, you should probably not continue living.


Glorious dinner!


This is me telling Joanna that I didn't think her friends (the reason that we drove 4 hours to camp instead of one of the myriad of places nearby) were going to show up. I was soon proven wrong and ended being very happy that I had made the trip. I love her friends!


Once everyone showed up, various hi jinks ensued. I don't really know what John was doing here, but I'm sure it was hilarious.


Oh that's right, showing off his old man socks. On second thought, it wasn't so much hilarious as it was sad.


Here we have Brooke. She's doing something with a big stick!


Brooke and Andrew chilling out by the fire, Andrew is actually smiling because he is about to show off his famous "Andrew turns into a glowing red orb" trick.


See! Brooke is very impressed. But honestly, who hasn't seen that done before?


Once it got dark, I broke out the night vision goggles which are always a hit. John was the most fascinated by them, but that's probably because he can remember when his family got their first electric light.


I have no fucking clue what Brooke is doing here. I'm pretty sure she doesn't either.


Brooke getting crazy with the NVG.


Andrew wandered off into the pitch blackness saying that he needed to get some more firewood. He came back with a tree. Fucking Amish people.


Strike that. he came back with 2 trees.


Towards the bottom of this photo, you will see the greatest camping staple ever.


What the hell?!?


I don't think he's a mortal man. Fire has no affect on him!


So that's it! After all was said and done, we had a blast. I'm super happy I got to go out and have myself a three day weekend. Thanks everybody for reading!

Dear Colorado,

I know it has been just a short while in the grand scheme of things (1 Year almost to the day) but there is something you just have to know.

I am madly, head-over-heals in love with you.

I always suspected the John Denver song Rocky Mountain High had more to do with something nefarious than it did with cold mountain air. I was wrong. You have absolutely infected me and I could not be happier about it.

Every day, I wake up and go outside. I don't care how cold it is, it is the first thing I want to do in the morning. I then go about my day. At some point over the course of my day, I will see the mountains. Every day. Truly awesome. Whenever I see those mountains I can't help but think "I live here" usually followed by an occasionally audible cackle of glee.

You have an effect on me that no other place I've ever lived has had on me. I am happy. Now, I've lived in a lot of places other than just you Colorado. I've moved a lot. Just for the folks at home keeping score (also read: my mother-in-law who will probably put this list in a scrapbook page some day) let's recap shall we?

• 1977: born in Chattanooga, TN
• 1978ish: moved as infant with family to Atlanta, GA
• 1985ish: returned to Chattanooga, TN with mom when my parents divorced
• 1991: another move to Atlanta, GA this time by myself on account of the fact that I was a general prick and more of a problem than my mother could handle, so off to my dad's place I went.
• 1994: Things got a little out of hand in Atlanta, so everyone decided it would be a wonderful idea for all parties involved if I go to live with my mother again, who had recently relocated to Stillwater, OK. Seriously.
  
• 1999: my dad offered me a job and I moved back to Atlanta, GA.
• 2000: the job did not work out so great. Hence, returned to Stillwater, OK.
• 2000: 1. Got married. 2. Moved to Dallas, TX. One of these things I'm glad I did.
• 2010: finally made it to Denver, CO

Now, as you can see, I've been around. I'm not afraid to say "This place sucks. I hate it here." and then simply make the choice to stop being in the place that I hate. But you took me aback. That's right. Aback.

Everywhere else I've lived before I've always had the sense of just living there until something else happened that would prompt me to pack up and move. Here. I hope that day never comes. I am so sublimely happy that as I sit here in my apartment with all the windows open letting the breeze come sweeping across my back while I'm typing this, I can't even find proper words to describe it. Bliss maybe?

I am home.

Let's be Best Friends Colorado!